I tend towards high strung, so during my pregnancy with Luisa, I focused on positive thinking...not just for the birth, but for parenting later on. I could imagine how easy it would be to get caught up in a whirlwind of anxious thoughts: What's wrong? Is it because she didn't nap long enough? Is it because she's teething? Is it because that 1/8 teaspoon of avocado that actually made it down her esophagus is giving her indigestion?
So, I came up with a phrase I could say to myself over and over, my baby motto: Babies be babies. Sometimes they cry for no reason, or they need to nurse all day long, or they won't sleep, or in newborn Luisa's case, they sleep all the time (don't be too jealous, it created other problems). Whenever I was struggling as a new mom, I said to myself, "Babies be babies," and didn't overthink it. It allowed me to do what I had to do to meet her needs without worrying. Who cares if she's teething or not? Being a baby is reason enough for behavior that doesn't make sense, because babies don't make sense.
In the last couple of weeks, Luisa has become a full-on toddler. I still tell her she's my baby, but she sure acts like a two-year-old all of a sudden (her birthday is coming up). I have a toddler motto now: She's struggling more than I am. When she's crying because she wants to undo her own buttons, yet can't figure it out herself, and won't let me help because that would be the worst thing ever... When she refuses to put on her mittens to play in the snow, and cries because we're leaving as a consequence... When she wants something else to eat, yet can't figure out what... She's more frustrated than I am.
I haven't quite found my peace with this new phase, but it helps to turn on teacher mode (I was a teacher and then a counselor in what seems like a past life). I'm a bit rusty after mothering a baby. Babies' wants ARE their needs, and you never need to be in teacher mode; you exist in mama mode 24/7, seemingly forever. Teacher mode is sort of like channeling an alpha dog's or a CEO's energy: calm, quiet, and in charge, with a commanding presence. I'm sure parenting a toddler will put me back into practice in no time. :)
What's your parenting motto? If your kids are older, how many parenting mottos have you had as they change? ;) I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Thank you for the perspective, Sarah! It's so easy to get frustrated for any number of reasons. I like to say to myself, "Things can only get better." (Yes, like the Howard Jones song... ) My little pumpkin is in full-effect toddler mode, and she is very strong-willed, determined, emotional - she gives me a run for my money! But, ultimately, no sooner have I thought I've reached my limit than things get better and are on the up again.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all the great FB posts as well!